I don’t want my ill sister to be a bridesmaid everything becomes about her’
A woman said that she didn’t want her mentally ill sister to be a bridesmaid at her wedding, or even a regular guest, as she often disrupts events and all the focus is on her
A woman said she didn’t want to ask her mentally ill sister to be a bridesmaid at her wedding because she ‘disrupts’ events and makes them all about herself.
Sharing her story anonymously, the woman said that her elder sister had severe mental health issues that make it ‘difficult’ for her to function.
On top of this, the sister acts up in some situations and will try to embarrass the bride-to-be – by lying about her, seducing her partner, or stealing things from her.
The woman said she’d grown apathetic towards her sister and so didn’t want her to be a bridesmaid, and now her family are divided.
Taking to Reddit, she said: “I know that none of this is her fault, but all I feel towards her is apathy. It means her actions no longer hurt me. She can be so, so sweet to me sometimes, but it never lasts, and I’ve learned not to like or dislike her, just to endure her.
“I’ve never, ever told anyone that, and our whole family are under the impression that I love her dearly because of how much I’ve done for her over the years.
“Two years ago I met the love of my life and we’re getting married next year. The truth is, I don’t even really want my sister there at all. I can’t think of a single event centred on me that hasn’t been in some way disrupted by her.
“I can’t not invite her, so instead I want her to be just a regular guest. This also means it will be easier for my mum to keep an eye on her, because if she’s my bridesmaid I know I’ll end up doing it.
“I want my bridesmaids to be people I actually love, who love me too, and will make my day easier. My cousins on both sides all had their sisters as bridesmaids, so I’m going against family tradition here.
“My mum and brothers are shocked, and say it’s extremely damaging for my sister to be rejected like this. One of my brothers says I’m being ableist.
“My mum says she always thought that one day when she’s too old to take care of my sister and I’ve worked for a few years that I would look after her full time, but now she’s not so sure.
“All this has made me feel bad for my sister, and I’m close to giving in. But if I do, it won’t be because I want to.”
Other Reddit users commented on the woman’s story, saying she was in the right to feel hesitant.
One said: “I’d double down and let your family know that having your sister at your wedding would be too much of a strain on the both of you.
“She couldn’t handle not being the centre of your or your mum’s attention, and you shouldn’t have to split your focus on your special day. Be strong – Let your wedding be the start of a new future for you and your husband.”
While another said: “Your bridal attendants should be there to support you. Your sister is unable to do that role.”
And a third wrote: “Bridal parties are supposed to be full of people who love and support the couple and love and support the individual people getting married.”